OH TIDAKKKK~~~

sad..=(

emm..ak bru balik dri jumpa hubby kt kl.bermacam dugaan yang ak ngn hubby terpaksa tempuh demi perjumpaan yang xsmpai 24 jam..n i'm feeling low right now sbb hubby is not here with me..dh x boleh peluk2 cium lagi..hubby pn dh smpai srawak a few hours back and skang dh masuk latihan dh. xsempat nak berehat dh kna g buat keja dh.. i remember the last time we argued about his work, he said that after dia posting staf, no more late night work and most importanly, waktu bekerja hanyalah dari 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and weekend is free from work..tp apa yang jadi masalah skang adalah bila keja nya pagi petang siang malam.mcm mna ak nak hidup kt sarawak nanti bila asyik kna tggl je..xke jd mcm skang. fortnight wife gitueww...STRESS...n tomorrow, he's flying to Kuching sbb ada meeting plak..kalu asyik mcm ni, cba pk kn bila ak dh g srawak nant, mcm mna khdupan aku?asyik kna tggl?oh no..ak xmampu nk hadapi nya lg..penat la..lg pn, ak rsa pegawai yang dh berkahwin ni, ptt diambil kira kebajikan keluarganya jugak..jgn smpai keja tu jd no 1 dlam hidup..itu tidak adil..and hati aku rsa cam "penat"..ntahla..I FEEL SAD..=(   rsa cam nak ngis je..i hate this feeling. God, ak xpenah terpk kehidupan selepas kwin akn jd mcm nih..seyesly n honestly I thought his working life will still be the same as before..msa sebelum kawen..

MEMORI NAIK MOTOR DI PULAU PANGKOR~~~

huuuuuuu...insiden ni mmg lwak sgt and ianya terjadi during our second honeymoon last year.hahhaha..we went to Pulau Pangkor and had stayed there for 3 days and two nights. the memories collected there were such a joy and delight to my heart that I smile whenever I think of them. hahhaha..the most remembered memory ialah insiden naik motor malam2 buta round pulau..God, mmg sgt lwak bila kami berdua yang gemuk2 ini naik scooter round2 pulau.hahhahaha..mmg bengong abis..dh la everytime jumpa bonggol, bawah motor tu abis terseret, ditambah plak ngn motor yang nan adooo n helmet yang buruk itu.huahuahauhaua...yg ni lagi kelassssssss..my hubby, start motor and I asked him, "syg, kta nak g mna?" dia ckap "kita g round pulau k, by.". dlam hati dh syok..yela..dia bukan suka jlan2 pun..so, naikla motor yg nan ado itu..smpai kt simpang tu, dia dh amik simpang yang lain, n ak tnya lg, "nk kemana ni syg?", jawabnya pendek.."round pulau"..hahhaha...bermulalah episod round pulau yang scary..dgan pokok2 besar pulau yang de rambut2 tu la..dengan suasana gelap gelita n dgn ala2 mat rempit ngn minah rempit, kami pun memulakan perjalanan itu..huuuu..smbung later..nk solat n bt keja jp..

He is so smart in that uniform~~~

my hubby is the third from the lappy's or ur comp's left..the one yang nmpak jam tu..uuu..<3

God, just looked at the new picture that his friend tagged in FB, and I can proudly say that HE IS SOOOOOOOOO HANDSOME in my eyes..God, ever since i started to know the definition of crush, love, like and etcetera, I have always have a thing for man who wears a uniform..hahahhaha..I'm so lucky to be married to an Army Officer. So, i got my wildest dreams fulfilled.hahhahahaha..huuuuuuuuu..mmg terbaik la kalu lelaki pakai unifom..mmg boleh jatuh cinta..n in my case, tetiap hari pun jatuh cinta sbb tiap2 hari pun dia pakai uniform..haaaaaaaaaa...

I'M SUPPOSED TO~~~

I'm supposed to rush to my bedroom and start dressing now..I mean NOW..i have to go to school before 1 and I'm still in front of my lappy, blogging..God..how I miss blogging so much.. I just read the entries that I wrote a few years back and I started laughing at some of them because of my own stupidity of course.. hehehhe.. I guess I'm more fun in those days..rsa mcm dlu lg ceria n happy and I wrote almost everything dlam blog tu..n having read them, ak rsa ak menjalani kehidupan yang dirahmati. maybe I should start writing as frequent as I did before..sbbnya ak nk bca all these experiences nant..i mean dalam 5 tahun lagi ke..must be fun right???hehhehe...ok..have to dash to school now.but, let's dress up first.

18 MORE DAYS TO GO~~~

Omaigod..rasa lama sgt..tp alih2 bru sehari berlalu..n i still have 18 days to go before i can meet my hubby..sedeynya..so sad..apa nk jd nih..dh dpat tukar duduk di negeri sekali, sekolah yang aku ditempatkan tu pedalaman plak..mmg bnyak dugaan nya kalu nk bahagia..I know, but sometimes, my heart just can't accept it..n as a result, i cry almost every night..i want to be beside him...i want to go to Sarawak now..boley x?rsa cam nak amik cuti n settle things there..sbbnya, nk harapkan hubby aku sorang, mmg xmampu la..dia pun bnyak keja n ditamabah plak ngan jadual keja nye yang padat..rumah pun xsmpat nak cri..for now, ak mmg berjanji xnk push dia..i pity him..i love him very much.n ak jgk berjanji xnak tgk google map lg..it's soooooooooooooo depressing. every time ak tgk google maps pun mst nangis..Ya Allah, kuatkanlah hati hambaMu ini..Sesungguhnya, aku hanya insan yang lemah..n please Dear God, let time flies..

HE CALLED ME~~~

He called me early in the morning just to let me know that he loves me so much..huuuuu.. I terharu you..But at the same time, I'm glad that he is now more opened towards his feeling..He can say it out loud now and I'm the who is responsible for this change. I LOVE YOU TOO, HUBBY. Love you every minute and every second of my life.. There's no passing moment that I do not think about you...today's call is a bit special because, I can feel deep down what he's saying in my heart..My heart bursts with happiness and I think I can just go through today with a smile.. He said " I LOVE YOU" with such sincerity that I am smiling even now..huuuuuuuuuuuuuu..I'M IN LOVE...AGAIN...heheheh

HE IS GOING AWAY...AGAIN~~~

he just told me yesterday that he might be going away for a week for his military exercise which will be done in LUBUK ANTU starting from Monday till Friday. My heart just could  not accept it and I cried when he told me the news. I pity him for not having enough rest as soon as he landed on that strange island. I pity him for not having a proper place to sleep in. I pity him for not having all the things that he used to have before back in Semenanjung. He have to live in such a hard way, I almost cry every time I think about his life. ut, he told me to be strong and keep holding on to what we have planned before; me going there and start a new life with him. I want to be strong for his sake, but the circumstances always get the best out of me, and I have had another sleepless night..He is going to the exercise starting from today till Friday and what sadden me the most is that he is unable to contact me when he is in the exercise. not because of the strict rules but because of the bad reception at the place where they conduct the exercise..haih..GOD, PLEASE HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS WEEK..PLEASE LET THE TIME FLIES AND PLEASE LET MY HEART BE CALM AND COLLECTED..

OMG..PENATNYA JD BAIK~~~

hahhahaa.boley ke bt entry camtu???kdg2ak terasa penat jd baik pda org..emm...tp bukan all the time la ak rsa camni..cma on days yang ak rsa nk tdo lebey..nk berehat bnyak skit..yesss...on those days which are every day now.hahahhaha..okies..enough of the bullshit.need to heat on the water and make a big cup of nescafe for myself..daaaaaaaaaaaaa

JAR OF HEARTS~~~

 who do you think you are~~~

running round leaving scars~~~

collecting your jar of hearts~~~

tearing love apart~~~

I love this song so much until my ears bleed from to much listening..hahhaha.. really, i love this song. it has deep meaning and its true to the heart...I'm thinking back of all the people who had hurt me in the past and had taken away a bit of my heart when they did so...I felt nothing actually...I don't even feel sad but I have a tiny winy bit of regret because all the time that I wasted on these people..BUT, I'm glad I went through all the heartbreaks just to meet my LOVELY HUBBY...I love him more than I know I can love... He brings different meaning to LOVE and because of that I thank all my exes..hehhehehe..and this bit of song is dedicated to all the heart breakers out there...

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY~~~

Mama, happy mother's day to u...

I love u so very damn much...

We talk on the phone everyday and I love you even more for that...

You are always beside me, helping me to get through these rough patches in my life...

You never ask for anything but I always know what your heart desires most...

I bought u the English clock that you have long loved but can never buy it due to some reasons...

I'm not asking anything back, just a promise that u will always be beside me...

I love u dearest mama and i would not even dare to think how my life would be without u with me...

In my prayer, I want to be the one who goes first...

I love you and only you...MAMA, OPIE SAYANG MAMA...

I'M HERE... HE'S THERE...

GOD, I miss him so much..as soon as i performed my Subuh prayer, I cried near the bedside. life is intolerable without him. I want him always. I'm in Johor, he is in Sarawak..We are ocean apart. How can I meet him without cracking all the cents left in my bank account or having to swim across the ocean without having to hurt my limbs??? I just don't know how to make my heart believes that it is just a temporary situation to us. I just want to meet him regularly. at least twice a month like we did before.But now I can't. Even more with my bulging stomach, I have to limit my movement. I have to think about the Junior...I have so far encountered 1 sleepless night, which was yesterday.. I woke up at four am in the morning and crying about him. I'm at loose end. I dunno what to do anymore.. GOD, please help me get through this difficult time.

CERTAIN THINGS ARE BEST KEPT AS SECRETS~~~

~hopelessly worried~

i am totally agreed with this saying. some things should not be told to anyone, even to our dearest ones who we can trust with all our heart. secrets are kept because of many reasons and i found that one of the many reasons is to protect the ones that we love truly, deeply and madly with our heart. i have secrets and i don't intend to share them with anyone..they are just for my knowledge and as long as I live, I really hope that these secrets will remain secrets. no one has to find out about these secrets and these secrets should die with me..

p/s: just remember that the things that happened in the past will always remain in the past.and we should not dig them out if we really love our futures.. i love all of you...n SORRY...=(

HE IS IN A FAR AWAY LAND~~~

he is in a far away land..far from myself and by cik..and it is long before i can meet him again..i have to wait for 23 days to pass by before i can meet him again. i love him. and i miss him so much... i wish i'm at his side now..telling him everything's gonna be alright and let's face all the challenges like they are all just matter of ticking boxes..i miss him so bad that i'm start having a fever and sore throat. i dun want to be alone..=(

I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING..AGAIN~~~

i should be pushing my big fat ass around the house right now and start to tidy up things that scatters around me..instead, i busied myself by looking at google earth and do my SPY ACTIVITY.. i have to find whereabout of my new school. i'm nervous because the school is not even on the map..what to do..dh nasib badan..so, i googled again just now looking for a place to rent during my stay in Sibu..gosh..it is so hard because not all the people are better acquinted with the internet..but, at least i now a place which is nearby to my school.the place is called TEKU..so, maybe i should tell hubby to start hunting for houses to rent in Teku..hehehhe..daaaaaaaaa..pnat dh..

NERVOUS ABOUT MY SCHEDULED CHECK UP~~~

hye readers..i'm nervous about my check up tomorrow. last time i went for the check up, i almost got myself admitted to the ward because my HB was low. but the person in charged said that he would help me that time and would not tell the doctor about it. he asked me to eat properly and frequently the medicine prescribed for me and my baby.. but, a few weeks ago, i was so busy and occupied with my transfer, i forgot to take the medicine. now, i'm worried about my health as well as my baby. how am i going to increase my HB if i just Took the pills tonighT.. God, i'm so nervous about the check up tomorrow. i dun want tO stay in ward. i want to be at home..my store home..pls..pray for me that nothing will happen to me tomorrow and i will at least have 10 for my HB..i'm feeling unwell and that worries me too. takut sbb HB rendah la me dapat penyakit ini this week..GOD, GOD, GOD...pls help me..

I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS TO DO~~~

me..NOW

ok, before i go, there are a lot of things that need to be done so that xde hutang when i'm at my new school later on..

so, for school thingy, these are the lists:

• SBOA 3C (DONE)
• SBOA REPORT FOR THE 3 CLASSES (DONE)
• SBOA REPORT FOR THE WHOLE SCHOOL.
• FAIL PERIBADI MURID.
• SENT BACK ALL THE REFERENCE BOOKS
• TIDY UP MY DESK
• THROW ALL THE RUBBISH
• SENT BACK ALL THE COLOURS THAT I BORROW.
• SENT BACK ALL THE TEXTBOOKS
• FINISH MARKING ALL THE BOOKS.

so, rsanya itu sahaja kot..tp if i still have others to do, i will add on later on..for now, bye bye..and at the time of writing this, i have completed none of the above..haih..=(

I AM UNWELL~~~

maybe it's because of the shocking news..or maybe it is because of the tiring and time consuming journey that i had last weekend..or maybe it is because of the separation from my beloved ones..but all i know now is that i am unwell..i have sore throat. throbbing pain on my head (more likely brain) and my whole body is aching..i dun want to stay here.. i want to go back to my hometown.lock myself in my home and play endlessly with my little brother while waiting for my father and mother to come back from work.. i dun want to be alone. i'm not strong enough to face all the challenges all by myself. i'm not a good fighter. i'm afraid i will fall down on my feet even before the fight..i want to go home..really really want...dear GOD, please help me to get through the challenges that YOU have downed upon me..HELP ME...='(

EVERY MINUTE SPENT IS EVERY MINUTE TREASURED

dearest readersssssss...just got back from my hometown and i am feeling so depressed right now because i have to leave my dearest family and hubby for God-knows-how- long-time..i dun wanna be apart from them. i want to be close with them every minute of my life..i dun like to be alone..even though, i have had one extra day for my cuti this weekend, but it felt short and not enough. i want more..i want more time..xpuas main ngan ajwad.xpuas sembang2 ngan mama.xpuas ckap2 ngan babah.xpuas main ngan kucing2 comel kt rumah tu..n xpuas bermanja n bermesra with my dearest HUBBY.. i want more time..=(..tp, every minute that i spent with my family and dear hubby, is every minute treasured..no one can ever take that from me..not even my dull life here. 

I LOVE MAMA. I LOVE BABAH. I LOVE AJWAD. I LOVE OKIE.I LOVE NINIE.I LOVE FARHANIE.I LOVE ALONG.I LOVE ANGAH.I LOVE ACHIK.I LOVE MILO..N I LOVE MY HUBBY..ALWAYSS AND FOREVER..